7 years ago..

7 years ago...

I got a text message from "Ryan Kuepper" (insert high pitch girly squeal) asking if I'd like to go on a date!!

Yes. I married my crush. Not just any crush. This was a full blown, awkward, hide when I see him, nervous, nauseous, unable to speak, weird girl silently praying that one day "Ryan Kuepper"  would know she existed and marry her, kind of crush. My cousin, Mallory, introduced us when I was just 13. Ryan was 4 yrs older than me... a total straight arrow kind of guy in Highschool.. Popular, good looking, athletic. Quite the opposite of my highschool experience!!! Anyway, on the rare occasion I did see him around (he was a good friend of the family) I got butterflies in my stomach. The kind of butterflies that make you feel like you might throw up. Not exactly the sexy vibe that attracts men. Nevertheless, on a snowy day in December, Ryan Kuepper sent me a text message asking if I'd like to go on a date!! (I was 20 yrs old when he finally realized I existed)
:)
"of course" (in a most confident tone) "come over for dinner" I said.  Now, I was a mother of a little boy who ruled my world so my first date w/ my crush was going to be limited to just a few hours after work on a Wednesday evening while CJ was at his father's house. But, I still knew those few hours would be just perfect. That night after work, I prepared a delicious fish dinner w/ peas and salad and I turned on some country music to set the mood (because this guy was raised in the country, went to a small town school all his life. Of course my home cooked meal and Alan Jackson love songs would cause him to fall head over heals)... right??

"Ryan Kuepper" (squeal) pulled up in my driveway. The first thing he said when he walked in was "ughhhh. I hate country music. All they do is whine!"
uh. oh. okay. (switch off the stereo)
Onto dinner. They say the way to a mans heart is through his stomach, right?
From out of nowhere, we hear the sound of braking glass coming from my kitchen!! We run in and see that my dish had exploded in the broiler. There goes my delicious fish dinner!
Ryan- "Oh, I don't like fish anyway"
uh. okay. I guess it's not so much of a loss after all.
My confidence was dwindling.
Ryan ate every last bit of the food I'd made but not w/ out letting me know that he doesn't really care for salad and he never eats peas.
Just an FYI for next time.
Sooo, there we are. Sitting in my living room.
Awkward silence.
I'm so nervous I can't speak.. this was not going good. Finally, I have an idea. Every red blooded American man watches football......... right? "So", I say.. "lets see what's on television". I turn it to a football game (because, I'm the cool girl who watches sports!)
Ryan- "yeah, I don't really like to watch football"
Oh.My.Gosh.
more awkward silence.
Then I ask him if he'd like to kiss me. Call it what you will but, at that point this date couldn't have gotten any worse and I was desperate. He leaned over and, I'll spare you the details but, it was by far the best kiss of my life!! Sparks, chemistry.. all that good stuff. Lets just say, my DNA liked his DNA. But, that was it.. one kiss. Then he had to leave b/c my little boy was coming home soon.
I didn't expect Ryan to call me the next day considering that had been the worst date of my life (aside from the kiss). But, he called. Actually, he called that night. He wanted to see me again. (squeal)
The next few dates went well. I became more comfortable around him. But, he continued to be the most insanely difficult man I'd ever known. I prided myself in thinking I understood men quite well. not this one.
He was impossible to read, completely unpredictable.. what I thought would impress him didn't and what I thought wouldn't impress him did. He was stubborn, impatient, opinionated, overbearing- yep, right out the gate.. no sugar coatin BS w/ this one. He didn't like the band, Candlebox (deal breaker).. he wasn't sure he believed in God (double deal breaker) he was just a strange unique guy, ok!?.. but, then he showed up at my house one afternoon with a walking stick he had carved and engraved for CJ (one of many handmade gifts that came from him). You could tell he put a lot of time and effort into it. I'm pretty sure that was the day I fell in love.

These are a few photos & momentous I saved from our dating years. They are personal but, I thought I'd give them another home aside from the trunk in our loft. Ryan shouldn't worry his friends will think him less 'manly'... but, if you are a guy & you're reading this.. take notes cause this is good stuff!

St. Patty's Day (Westport) 2006

Text messages Ryan sent to me that I wrote down in my journal (I was a 20 yr old girl w/ a crush, ok!)

 

This was a Mother's Day gift Ryan put together for me. It meant more to me than anything money could buy!!!!!!

(ahem).. overbearing??... ^^^

 

It says- "It doesn't matter if it's a rock or a picture that reminds me of you, the more I think about you the better. Like the E to this rock, I hope we stay carved in time forever.

 

So, Aside from the grammatical errors and misspellings,;), Ryan said (and more importantly, did) all the right things. If he made a promise, he kept it. As you can see, he courted me quite thoroughly!! ;)

Ryan and I took our relationship slowly in the beginning. I didn't invite him to spend time with CJ until I knew how I really felt about him. But, once I did allow the two of them together, there was no turning back. Ryan dived into the roll of friend and father figure w/ out hesitation. He taught CJ how to ride a bike, how to tie his shoes.. he took him on hikes and 4wheeler rides at his dads house in the country. He made things for him and included him in everything we did. I often times thought Ryan liked CJ's company more than mine. Something in my heart knew that I could build a life with this man and possibly be very happy. So, on December 21st-our one year anniversary-Ryan took me to Colorado and proposed, and I said yes!

 

 

 

 

I would have liked to add more pictures to tell our story but, since the computer crashed last year and we lost everything (including the birth of both boys)... this will have to do.

I was also going to end this blog post w/ some really wonderful, profound message.. like, how Ryan and I have grown and accomplished so much in our marriage and how our bond only gets stronger each day and how he is no longer so strange to me.. that I'd like to think I have helped him recognize that spirituality that is hidden deap inside of him.. that I'm still puzzled by him, fascinated too... that he remembers how much I love surprises... that he knows me better than I know myself... that he is my opposite, my other half, my moon...
I was going to say all of those things and then some... but, I've decided I already spent enough time on this post! ;) Besides, Ryan knows how crazy I am about him!!!

Happy 7 yr anniversary to my crush!!!!!!

What's new?

Hi again!! Long time no see!!
If you're wondering what has inspired me to come back to this nearly forgotten place, I'll tell you . Those of you who are close to me already know I've been working toward fulfilling my dream (that thing I never had as a child and didn't feel until I became a mother & realized "ahh ha! I do have a calling").. Breastfeeding (or in other words, becoming a Certified Lactation Consultant)!.. You all know, that taboo & socially unaccepted thing women do to nourish and comfort their babies? Well, the dream I have is to counsel these women and encourage them so they might have a positive, successful and fulfilling breastfeeding experience & at the same time, help to normalize this act and educate people on the endless physical, physiologic & economical benefits of mothers milk! What could be more important?.. after all, the very future of our society begins in the arms of a mother! Also, in addition to this very exciting endeavor of mine, I still really enjoy taking photos. In a perfect world I would have my certification in Lactation Counseling and photography would be a sidekick to my career. I envision taking a class(es)- so I might understand the never ending complex world that is pictures- and then specializing in home/hospital births, newborns & breastfeeding mommas (yes, some of us crazy ladies want those intimate moments to be captured by a professional photographer & treasured for life). But, this is not a perfect world so I have some work to do.. the road is long and I must start with one thing at a time so photography will remain a hobby, for now. With all of that said, I will be using this blog to help me not only share my photos but also, in time, I would like for it to be used as an informational resource for breastfeeding mothers. A chameleon, if you will. ;)

So, lets get started!!
I'm sharing w/ you a few photos I took recently of my good friend, Natalie, and her sweet- chubby cheek-full of energy-giggly little bundle of mischievous wonderfulness-baby boy, Chase! It's obvious there is no avoiding falling in love w/ this child!! By the way, this was my 2nd attempt at an official *amateur* photo session w/ Natalie. A few weeks ago I went to her house to take photos of her & her husband + their 3 boys.. and I, for lack of a better word, bombed it!! I learned that my previous attitude of "go with the flow" picture taking does not work on a family of 5! You need to show up prepared w/ ideas and have experience interacting w/ a larger group! Plus, have a camera that doesn't freeze up on you (naturally, I've never had that problem until I was taking photos for someone else's family)!! Good thing I'm not excepting money for my amateur services!! But, I learned a lot, to say the least, and was so glad for the practice, at her expense. :) She was a trooper!

I also have a new challenge that has been introduced to me and  has transformed what was once a fun & easy going little hobby of mine into a bit of a headache, to put it lightly. That is........ photo editing! Ryan got me a program called Corel Paintshop Pro that is slightly comparable to Adobe Photoshop and almost as impossible to learn!! There are all of these strange things called layers and curves and I have only begun to understand the very basics of it. So, all you photo editing knowers out there... be sensitive to what you're about to see!! :) And thank you to all of my dear friends who have given me such support and encouragement.. it means the world to me!!

 

 

 

 

Day 8- Technology

 

 

 

 

"One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man." ~Elbert Hubbard

"Some people worry that artificial intelligence will make us feel inferior, but then, anybody in his right mind should have an inferiority complex every time he looks at a flower." ~Alan C. Kay

"For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three." ~Alice Kah

Okay, okay.. I'll stop there, because we all know I enjoy my computer time as much as the next person. But, it is true.. technology has taken over and replaced the organic experience of life. Instead of meeting your future husband at the local coffee shop or, the good ol' fashion way, in a bar, we are using internet dating sites or social network. When we're upset with a friend, instead of calling her up and letting her have it, we update our facebook status. She knows youre talking about her.. and, for the record, that is the most cowardly thing a person can do!! If you really care about your friend, family member or whomever it may be, have the courage to call that person up and work the problem out!! Also, it is rude to talk on your cell phone when you're having dinner, in the car, at a movie... etc. (duh)! With that said, I'm guilty of relying on technology for many things. I use my cell phone as an alarm clock. Every morning, when the house is still sleeping, I sit at my computer w/ my coffee and read emails, then check facebook and if, for some reason, the boys wake up early or we're having a storm and the computer is down, I feel a little out of sorts. The Internet feels a lot like a life line for me. I live so far away from the ways of the world yet, with one little click of a mouse, I am connected. I can read the thoughts of others, share thoughts of my own. I can live vicariously. It's most definitely an escape & form of entertainment for me. However, nothing takes the place of real life experiences. We should all think about how technology has effected our lives and how differently our children will grow up as opposed to how it was when we were young.. back when life was simple, before Facebook and Twitter, The Kindle or iphones.. if you had something to say you wrote it down on paper or picked up the phone or said it in person.. Before the Wii, when kids played outside and used their imaginations.. when we read to our children & there was no such thing as 'an app for that'. Back when people used maps and paid their bills by mail... although, I must say, I don't miss that.. I still always seem to get myself lost and online bill pay is just fantastic. But, you get my point!!

Okay, moving on... I was very frustrated with this challenge b/c I could not get my settings right. I wanted to make the computer blur and the background stand out but, for some reason, it wasn't happening so I just played w/ the effects and thats that. I will keep trying. For tomorrow... Faceless Self Portrait.